Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
