Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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