the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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