Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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