you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
