If that was your dad, he is hot
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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