How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize