I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I would fuck him just for his dog
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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