did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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