You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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