if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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