I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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