I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
