I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
