I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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