Will you blow on my dice?
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
