We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
