new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
