i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize