The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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