Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
