Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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