I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
