They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
