pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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