I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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