i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize