And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
