I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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