party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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