Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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