doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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