I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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