Nicole vs. Life
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
my liver is dry heaving
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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