I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You have to summon your inner elephant
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
