I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
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