is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
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