God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
