Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
why do cheetos always look like penises
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
