didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
