Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I'm really busy with my period
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