Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
