I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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