woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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