your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Randomize
