I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
