We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
