Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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