is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
