How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
