He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
