I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
