they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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