As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
