your parents love me but you hate me
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
