and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
