Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
