The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
COCAINE IS GR8
we're so committed to being not committed
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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