My hair reeks of homosexuality.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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