so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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