coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
i believe in u and ur pee
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