The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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