he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
