do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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