I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize