ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
