i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
