Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
My feet surprised me
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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