hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
