you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
