Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
