I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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