If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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