Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
