I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
