Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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