three words: i give head
three words: not that well
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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