Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize
