i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
