Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
