All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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