But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
