i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
