Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
