I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
