You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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