so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
