he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
