Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize