She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
