Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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