Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
