I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
