I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
