I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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