Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
