she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
