the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
