it wasn't lemon gatorade
you guys were way drunker than both of me
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize