the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
